I Miss You, But Do I Want To...?

I hear Fountains of Wayne come on and within seconds tears have welled up in my eyes. 

I didn't realize until then how much I had missed you. 

But it was a lot. A lot more than I had wanted to miss you. 

Is this what it feels like to be dumped?

I feel broken but I still want you. All the little shattered pieces no longer fit together, but they still all manage to somehow love you with all they have left. I don't tell them to, they just do because it feels right.

You're distant and cold now. I hate whatever happened to you. I miss the old you and me. I miss the old us. 

I don't want to be crying. I want to say you weren't worth it, but you are. You were always there for me. You held nothing back from me. I literally told you everything. I got mad at you for stupid things and you always forgave me. You insulted everything I loved, but I still managed to see your brutal honesty as a good thing. 

We would joke about visiting, but it never happened. To be honest, our nightly chats and dreams of summer love were what kept me going on some of my darkest days, because 'even pretty girls cry at night'. 

It's so hard to try and understand why you're gone. It's even harder to try and accept it. You've left such an imprint in me and no amount of Mr.Clean could ever wipe it away. 

Shivers run down my spine as I rethink our memories from our very first meet. I'm trying to visualize what should have been my first sign...

But because my mind is so wrapped up in a perfect image of what I thought you were, and not who you really were, it's too hard. 

I'm selfish.. I want you to be the guy I remember you being. I was also naive, and still am. I want you to be the one I thought you would always be. 

I just want my 'normal' back. I want you back more than I thought I would. 

I don't waste time on people who aren't worth it. You're acting strange but I still think you're worth it. Now I need to figure out what I'm fighting for and why. I've got so many feelings that could explain it, if I could only get them straightened out and arranged together neatly on a few pages.