Almost

Today was my little sister's first day back at school.

(Luckily for me, I don't start til tomorrow! Ha!)

My sister's slowly growing up and although she's a brat and pain in my rear end I love her more than anything.

Well, now that she's getting older she's dressing differently; she's showing more mature taste in clothing. I'm not saying she's wearing short skirts and black halter tops or anything, I'm just saying she's dropping the whole tom-boy character and basketball shorts. She's starting to wear shirts and dresses that I find really cute.

It's weird seeing her change like this, even though I like it.

Well a couple hours after she left I couldn't help but think: Wow! I should have offered to put makeup on for her!

Stop.

As soon as the idea entered my head it was as if sirens and smoke alarms were set off and I couldn't see properly. 

It made me remember what makeup really is.

Makeup is a mask.

Sure, when you're little you play around with your mother's makeup and experiment with your friends at sleepovers, but as you get older makeup takes on an entire new role in most women's lives, and I believe it's called 'confidence'. 

It's sad, but it's true (for me at least).

It's gotten to the point where I never go out in public without makeup. 

I still remember the day I was hooked. I was putting on a Halloween costume and thought, "I should put on a little bit of makeup!" Just for fun, plus it was Halloween so I thought people would figure it would go with my pop star costume.

Well, it screwed me up.

Ever since, and it was probably only grade 9, I've worn makeup to school every single day. Not once did I not wear it. I had to wear it. If I wasn't wearing it I would feel horrible about myself. I would try to keep my head down and not talk much to anybody, not even my closest friends. And it's silly, because nobody's going to remember the one day you weren't wearing makeup. In fact, most guys don't even notice it much (unless you've got it caked on, although I never did that).

Every year I always experiment and that usually means I wear a little bit more makeup as the days and weeks go by. 

It's so horribly sad, but I feel so ugly without makeup on.

I only don't wear it if I know I'm staying at home all day and won't see anybody I know. 

I know it's wrong. I know there are other qualities and traits I have that make me an amazing person, it's just that now that I've tasted it once I feel as though I can't live without it. I know it sounds shallow, and I wish it weren't so, but that's how I feel.

As soon as I realized what I just said I realized I never wanted to help her with makeup. Not yet at least... she's not even in high school yet. And no, wearing makeup doesn't make you a bad person, but I know that most girls get confidence from it that is artificial -me being one of them. I just don't want that for her.

She's really smart, smarter than I was at that age. She's got good friends and she's genuinely a nice person. No, she's not perfect, but she's my baby sister and I want her to know I think the world of her.

I don't want her to feel the way I do. I want her to feel beautiful for at least a little bit longer until she starts feeling the need to wear makeup to school.

I want her to know she doesn't need makeup to be beautiful.

Because I love her.