Today was kind of hard.
I had a doctor's appointment, it was just a check up. I go to them about once every 2 months for the past year or so. Before that the appointments were more frequents-starting at once a week and lengthening the visits to where they're at now.
I've been visiting this hospital for just over 7 years.
I've had the same amazing doctor there for these past 7 years. He's truly amazing. He talks to me like an adult, even since I was no older than 10 he always spoke to ME, and made sure I understood. He would address my parents second, but always made sure I knew what was going on. Not many people do that, especially not doctors -they really like speaking to the parents because they see them as the person of authority.
Saying goodbye was hard. It was really fast.
By this I mean I'm old enough now that I'll be moved to an adult hospital. I wish I had known ahead of time that it would have been the last time I'd seen him. I plan on visiting him with some baking soon. He's truly amazing and will be greatly missed.
My dad choked up at the end. The doctor left with the nurse still in the room and my dad just started crying. I felt badly because my doctor; Dr. D, has been through my life experiences with me, helping me get better the entire time. He's been so kind and caring. So I understood why saying goodbye would be hard for my dad. I tried comforting him by hugging him but it felt so odd... being the child having to comfort the adult. I'm used to it ; to putting on the brave face when I'm sick and telling people I'm fine because it does no good if everybody is worrying over me. I hate people worrying and making a fuss about me. I always try to avoid that. Well I know my dad's still upset, he has a reason to be. It's over 7 years of my life, I completely understand. Sometimes it's hard having to be strong all the time. I know everybody understands what I mean. Some people are forced to grow up and mature faster than others. What I've been through has been such an incredible journey and made me so much stronger than most my age, I don't regret that. Sometimes though, I just wish I could be the one comforted. I know there are millions of people going through worse than I am, which is how I can appreciate what I've got as well as I do, but on the other hand, I've been through a decent amount in my life, and to just brush it aside is not always easy. In fact, it's not always healthy.
I never cry in front of anybody. I've got a fear of crying in front of anybody. I don't want them to think I'm weak. I want people to see how grateful and happy am I with the life I'm living. But every once in awhile, everything is just too much and we all need to cry. Maybe for a minute, maybe for an hour... either way it's part of being human so I'm trying to accept that more and more as I get older.
Anyways, I'm sure the new hospital will be fine. May be odd at first but I'll adapt. I'm actually a little bit excited. I did the appointment with my doctor alone today. My dad just came in at the end to say goodbye. I was a bit afraid at first because my dad always goes in with me. I thought conversation would be harder and things would get awkward. I was so happy to be wrong. Talking was so easy with him and natural. He felt more like a friend than a doctor and we got in a few last laughs. Transitioning to the new hospital will help me grow up and experience events on my own. I know it's going to make me stronger. I know this because it will be hard, even if it does sound small. But when you leave a hospital with the doctors and nurses that helped save your life, you know it's going to be a challenge.
I'm up for it though!
"HUGS"
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