Ramble

Please forgive this post... I'm literally thinking words and just throwing them onto the screen without looking back.


It's funny. Technology today.
It sounds so absurd to just be able to say "I'm deleting it".
Delete. What even is the real meaning behind it?
So I'll delete a picture and it will be gone forever, okay.
Deleting a person is different though. To just be able to say "I'm deleting him" is crazy to me. To think with the click of a button this person can theoretically be 'gone' from your life, I don't even, I just, I don't know if I fully understand it. 


Today I deleted the songs that reminded me of him. I deleted the movies he told me to watch, and thanked myself for the movies I never showed him, because if he had ruined those too I'd be rather upset. 
I almost deleted him from my social media sites. I don't know what I'm even thinking. Every time I pick up my phone and see a message I literally cannot stop myself from thinking if it's from him. It's getting better though -I'm becoming more aware. It was getting to a point before though, when I didn't even want to pick up my phone or look at it because as soon as I went into my contacts I'd be reminded of you. It's getting better, I'd like to think.
I tried to delete his pictures.
No I didn't. I wanted to delete the pictures though.
No I didn't.... I don't actually know what I want right now.
Yes I do... I want him to apologize for ... for nothing, I guess.
He doesn't answer a few texts and I care more about him than he does me. 
That's what I'm actually upset about. It seems silly when I put it out there. 
Oh well, I don't care.
I've been thinking about him less, that's good. I always feel better when I'm not drowning myself in daydreams involving him in any way.
I'm so weird... I'm hurting my brain thinking about this.
I think I'll go delete some of those pictures now.