I realized I usually only write when I'm upset or I've got something on my mind.
People must think I'm a depressed person for that reasoning. I'm not though!
The only reason why I write when I'm upset is because it relieves some of the pain and makes me feel better. When I'm happy though, I have no urge to write because that's just how it works.
I've been so happy these past couple of weeks.
It's mostly thanks to my dad. Him and I have an amazing relationship and I completely trust him with everything. A couple weeks ago we had a really good talk that has literally changed me for the better.
Seeing as I was able to be so completely and utterly honest with him I was able to tell him about a lot of my problems and worries. He was a great listener and even better with his giving me his opinion.
What really helped was the fact that I was lying in bed looking like a mess with no makeup on or fancy clothing; plain old me. He looked at me and told me I was smart, beautiful and an amazing person, and I could tell he really meant it.
All of his words that night made me feel so much better, not just about myself but about all of my life and the way I had been living every single day.
So what's really changed?
I have more confidence! I've realized I look in the mirror a ton less now because I can't exactly change the way I look, and others should like me for who I am on the inside.
On Halloween I wore a costume I normally wouldn't have had the courage to wear before, because it was pretty scary and got enough attention that I before would have been too self conscious to have received. It felt really good though! Some people didn't even know who I was.
In class I participate more without feeling as scared as to whether or not my answer or opinion was wrong (Honestly though, opinion questions should always receive full marks). That's great because it's helped boost my mark a bit more.
Speaking of marks, I've figured out what I want to do after high school and I'm pretty sure I know which universities I plan on going to!
My indoor soccer has started up again I really like my team... it's an odd mash-up of characters but we somehow play well together and I've been having fun. The only weird thing for me is that I'm the oldest; I've never been the oldest person on my team... actually, I think in the whole league me and my other friend are the only two who are 17/18... huh! Indirectly I realized it's been good because it lets me take on more of a leadership role. Being the oldest of three I'm used to that, so this way on my team I can treat my tea mates in a way I know I already feel comfortable, and create a stronger relationship.
I did a huge clean-up of my room a week ago and it's managed to somehow stay that way-I have no idea how! I got rid of clothing I was before too sad to give away because of the memories (even though I knew full well I'd never wear them again...). Then I got rid of a bunch of other things such as books and toys that I hadn't used in years. It felt great to have a clean room, but it felt even better to have inspired my family to do the same thing!
I've had a good break from my boyfriend recently. I'm not saying we were on a break, I'm saying I haven't seen him since his birthday which was two weekends ago. (I met his friends and hung out with him all day. Sometimes that's tiring for me but I actually enjoyed myself. He bought baking ingredients because he knows how much I love baking and I thought that was sincerely sweet of him. We baked then all his friends came over and we went for dinner. I baked him an amazing cake and then I had to return home. I think I like him better because I like his friends, is that wrong? I'm not sure but I don't think it is haha!) Being away from him has given me a chance to breathe and appreciate things better.
Also... what kind of post would this be if I didn't mention 'him'? -Maybe a good one? I'm kidding.. kind of. I haven't spoken to him in quite awhile and I feel guilty for admitting I don't exactly hurt from missing him. OK, maybe I don't feel guilty, I feel great! I love him but getting a breather from him as well has really helped me see clearly. When poets say 'love blinds' or 'love is blinding', it's not just a cute quote they stick in there; they mean it! Love can twist the way you sense anything and everything. That's when I realized that taking a step back and understanding that my dad was right-I deserve the best- really opened my eyes.... maybe he's not for me. I think I'll always love him. Who knows; only time will tell!
Well... I've experienced what I've seen to be huge changes in my life, such as cleaning my room, participating in class and things like cleaning my room. A lot of people might think these are just ordinary things but deep down thanks to that talk with my dad I've gotten enough self confidence to do them all confidently and take pride in them. I love my dad.
I can't wait to discover more about myself.
People must think I'm a depressed person for that reasoning. I'm not though!
The only reason why I write when I'm upset is because it relieves some of the pain and makes me feel better. When I'm happy though, I have no urge to write because that's just how it works.
I've been so happy these past couple of weeks.
It's mostly thanks to my dad. Him and I have an amazing relationship and I completely trust him with everything. A couple weeks ago we had a really good talk that has literally changed me for the better.
Seeing as I was able to be so completely and utterly honest with him I was able to tell him about a lot of my problems and worries. He was a great listener and even better with his giving me his opinion.
What really helped was the fact that I was lying in bed looking like a mess with no makeup on or fancy clothing; plain old me. He looked at me and told me I was smart, beautiful and an amazing person, and I could tell he really meant it.
All of his words that night made me feel so much better, not just about myself but about all of my life and the way I had been living every single day.
So what's really changed?
I have more confidence! I've realized I look in the mirror a ton less now because I can't exactly change the way I look, and others should like me for who I am on the inside.
On Halloween I wore a costume I normally wouldn't have had the courage to wear before, because it was pretty scary and got enough attention that I before would have been too self conscious to have received. It felt really good though! Some people didn't even know who I was.
In class I participate more without feeling as scared as to whether or not my answer or opinion was wrong (Honestly though, opinion questions should always receive full marks). That's great because it's helped boost my mark a bit more.
Speaking of marks, I've figured out what I want to do after high school and I'm pretty sure I know which universities I plan on going to!
My indoor soccer has started up again I really like my team... it's an odd mash-up of characters but we somehow play well together and I've been having fun. The only weird thing for me is that I'm the oldest; I've never been the oldest person on my team... actually, I think in the whole league me and my other friend are the only two who are 17/18... huh! Indirectly I realized it's been good because it lets me take on more of a leadership role. Being the oldest of three I'm used to that, so this way on my team I can treat my tea mates in a way I know I already feel comfortable, and create a stronger relationship.
I did a huge clean-up of my room a week ago and it's managed to somehow stay that way-I have no idea how! I got rid of clothing I was before too sad to give away because of the memories (even though I knew full well I'd never wear them again...). Then I got rid of a bunch of other things such as books and toys that I hadn't used in years. It felt great to have a clean room, but it felt even better to have inspired my family to do the same thing!
I've had a good break from my boyfriend recently. I'm not saying we were on a break, I'm saying I haven't seen him since his birthday which was two weekends ago. (I met his friends and hung out with him all day. Sometimes that's tiring for me but I actually enjoyed myself. He bought baking ingredients because he knows how much I love baking and I thought that was sincerely sweet of him. We baked then all his friends came over and we went for dinner. I baked him an amazing cake and then I had to return home. I think I like him better because I like his friends, is that wrong? I'm not sure but I don't think it is haha!) Being away from him has given me a chance to breathe and appreciate things better.
Also... what kind of post would this be if I didn't mention 'him'? -Maybe a good one? I'm kidding.. kind of. I haven't spoken to him in quite awhile and I feel guilty for admitting I don't exactly hurt from missing him. OK, maybe I don't feel guilty, I feel great! I love him but getting a breather from him as well has really helped me see clearly. When poets say 'love blinds' or 'love is blinding', it's not just a cute quote they stick in there; they mean it! Love can twist the way you sense anything and everything. That's when I realized that taking a step back and understanding that my dad was right-I deserve the best- really opened my eyes.... maybe he's not for me. I think I'll always love him. Who knows; only time will tell!
Well... I've experienced what I've seen to be huge changes in my life, such as cleaning my room, participating in class and things like cleaning my room. A lot of people might think these are just ordinary things but deep down thanks to that talk with my dad I've gotten enough self confidence to do them all confidently and take pride in them. I love my dad.
I can't wait to discover more about myself.
